I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am spending my child support on dildos
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
