I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
