My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
