I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Randomize