And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
