you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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