Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
