What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
