You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
