I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
