a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize