If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
