I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
