These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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