ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
