i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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