i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She swung at the pinata with crutches
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
