I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
