i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
