I will die if light touches me.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i dont even know how to be here
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
