you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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