Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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