I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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