I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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