Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
