yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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