What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
