why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
