I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
