Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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