i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
