sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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