i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
