and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
