Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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