I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
