2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
