The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize