Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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