Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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