I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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