Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
