Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
