peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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