He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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