3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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