Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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