like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
