Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so explain again why im purple
no
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
