She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
