Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
