I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
