So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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