he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
