I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
