Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
