Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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