I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
