So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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