This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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