Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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