to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
