It's Friday. Sex?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
