its not stalking. its research.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
