i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize